đ From Pain to Awakening
A few months ago, I was in agony, in an episode of PTSD that lasted for weeks, because of how others treated me, but on a deeper level, because of how I treated myself.
I was upset at fake friends who were using me. They didnât genuinely care about me. They wanted sex, or to have me around because my healing energy made them feel good, my compassion made their egos feel good. Having a bright shiny thing around makes you feel special, even when you donât deserve it, especially when you donât deserve it.
I was really upset at being mistreated and unseen. When you confront someone about their bad behaviour and are met with excuses about why they have the right to be cruel to you, this is damaging to the psyche. It reflected abuse I went through in childhood, and how I inevitably treated others as a result of that abuse.
âď¸ The Karma Mirror
That was karma playing out, and thereâs no escape from that harsh Mistress. These feelings of self-doubt, of lack, of not being enough, of giving away power, rose to the surface because it was time to free myself of them. Even though I was treated poorly by someone who showed very little respect and empathy to me, on a deeper level once again, they were illuminating how I had betrayed myself. When had I disrespected myself? When had I abused power? When had I been cruel in the past?
I spent a long time angry, and I had a right to be. I knew what was going on in these scenarios, but I hoped for better and stuck it out, thinking I could salvage these relationships.
I couldnât. I wasnât meant to. I was meant to learn and move on.
đ The Spiral of Self-Blame
But I couldnât for many months. I would go over and over things in my head from every angle to understand, but also perhaps, to punish myself. I had mistrusted my intuition and given away my light so many times that I was immensely suffering. I had made decisions from a place of weakness, and I was upset about that. I ruminated on situations and how I had failed in these situations, and I was convinced at one point that my life was over, and suicide was a passing thought on the daily.
I havenât been in a state like this in a very long time, but once again, I put myself there. I had chosen not to correct people when I saw something wrong. I had chosen to give away my power. I had chosen to show up to events where I wasnât in my strength. I had chosen to be unprepared.
đš The Turn Toward Forgiveness
But I was suffering, I needed to learn how to forgive myself. After the essential anger, I started to realize there was no point holding onto the past. I started to practice Metta, sending love to myself and anyone who I thought hurt me.
I felt my heart lighten and continued on my spiritual path. I started to study the Bible and listened to scriptures and prayers every morning to cleanse my soul and keep me on the right track. While I donât take everything religion says literally, the energy of Christ Consciousness is pure and I sought to embody that in my life. I felt my kundalini awaken and my fire return.
đ Longing for Community
I realized I was deeply hurt because I had lost a sense of community. I hadnât ever really felt a part of it in the first place, so it wasnât necessarily a loss, but it still pained me. I knew thatâs what I needed, so I ventured out into the world and started making connections at events.
I realized these âenemiesâ were echoes of my own demons, and I needed to face them once and for all because the truth is very simple: You are a powerful being of God and have many gifts to share with this world. No one can see your path but you.
𧲠Shifting the Narrative
Uniting with like-minds, being surrounded by heart-centred people, and following my dreams, seeing them come to life, was healing for me. Along with immersing myself in my new world, I visualized all the time. Instead of replaying the past over and over again, I forgave myself for learning and moved on.
I changed the narrative of how I saw the past and how I saw myself. I imagined myself flourishing in the present, doing the things that once felt so out of reach.
And I started manifesting connections and opportunities like a magnet.
đĽ Awaken Your Kundalini Shakti Fire:
Each month, the Moon passes through your Sun Sign. When this occurs, do not drink alcohol. Meditate and focus on your dreams as if theyâre happening in the present moment. As your kundalini awakens into your pineal gland, you will become extremely magnetic, able to draw your visions to you.
Manifestation is not about chasing or working so hard and wasting your most precious commodity: time. Itâs about trusting in the power that already exists inside of you and honouring that.
If there are only two sins in this worldâhurting others intentionally and not sharing your lightâthen what does God wish for us? To be kind to one another and to share our gifts. This is what we came here to do.
đ Facing the Matrix & Ego Games
The thing is, a lot of people are running satanic programs, and theyâre not focusing on their inner light. They donât feel like they can share their gifts with the world because they need to make money and stay in the system. Theyâre stuck in their lower chakras and often controlled by their sexual impulses. Their god is their ego, and they serve it even at the expense of othersâ pain.
When youâre a being of light and love in this world, when you vehemently follow your willâGodâs willâyouâre going to trigger people and have to let some go. If youâre not triggering people and everyone likes you, thereâs a good chance youâre people-pleasing.
⨠Letting Go to Let In
And if you find yourself doing this, adjusting yourself in some way, dimming yourself to make others comfortable, STOP.
Yes, you may lose people temporarily, but nothing of value is ever lost, and you cannot ever lose what is eternal. You are always connected to everyone because in truth there is no separation.
Love is respect and empathy. If someone around you isnât rooting for you and inquiring about your soul, let them go.
Be your truest self, even if it offends people. In doing this, youâll draw in your TRUE TRIBE.
đ¨ The Artist’s Role
If youâre an artist like me, you move beyond the matrix often, and this can be very unsettling for many, but itâs not your job to soothe egos. Itâs your job to change this world with your light.
Community and connection is so important, but the right kind is essential. That connection is what we long for the most, but we can only go as deep with others as weâve been with ourselves.
So if someone isnât meeting you, donât take it personally. Even when people are in judgment, often theyâre only illuminating how they feel about themselves.
Their judgments often have nothing to do with you, even if they assure you that they do. Most people donât see beyond themselves and the lens they look from is muddy.
đż The Return to Source
Return to your inner world. Connect to your own heart. That is the key to true connection, and what youâre really longing for beyond egoic recognition, fame, money, a partner, etc., is a connection with God.
Let me repeat:
If you are longing for love, slow down and sit with yourself, with your own energy.
Soon youâll find that you are made of love.
Now how could you long for what you already are?
đ The Phoenix Rises
My journey has not been easy, but through the fires of hell itself, I have emerged unstoppable, and so I thank everyone for helping me become my best self.
There is no stopping me because I know in the end, there is no me.
Itâs all love. And all the completion Iâve been seeking on the external, I already have within.
I choose that freedom now, and perhaps itâs time you do too. đŤ
To listen to Christina’s Podcast, The Cosmic Oracle, click HERE.
To view her current Services, click HERE.
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