Healing from betrayal can be a long, arduous journey, but there is always hope, and a deeper lesson to be learned.
Betrayal feels akin to handing someone a knife to watch over and instead of caring for the knife, that person takes the knife and stabs you with it. You may even ignore the first stab in the gut because how in the world could someone who cares about you treat you this way? No, you think and brush it off. But it continues to happen and bleeding out you finally say, “Enough.”
The pain of betrayal by someone close to us is profound. The abruptness of their actions, combined with the potential for silence or ghosting that follows, can leave us in despair, grappling with what feels like irreparable damage. Yet, even in the darkest moments, there is always hope for healing.
When we open our hearts to a partner, we often place them under the same scrutiny as we do ourselves. They become an extension of us, and we can easily forget that they are navigating their own universe of traumas, desires, and aversions. For example, if you’ve experienced abandonment in childhood and expressed to your partner that spending time with an ex triggers you, but they continue to do so, it can feel deeply disrespectful. To them, it may seem insignificant. They might argue, “Nothing is going on, so I don’t understand why it’s a big deal.”
The crux of the issue lies in the absence of empathy. Love is rooted in empathy, and when a partner fails to be sensitive to your triggers, the relationship suffers. Left unaddressed, these betrayals fester, spreading into other areas of the relationship.
The Path to Healing
What’s the solution? Even if your partner doesn’t fully understand your perspective, they need to hold space for your healing without judgment. This doesn’t mean you have the right to demand complete control or enact your will unilaterally. True harmony requires presence, compromise, and mutual understanding. When a partner can create a safe space for your pain, it fosters the conditions for growth and transformation.
Entering a relationship expecting it to be your sole source of happiness often leads to disappointment. Relationships are one of life’s most profound spiritual growth opportunities, and growth is rarely easy. If a partner unconsciously relies on you to fulfill their happiness, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics and eventual betrayals.
Hidden Motives and Self-Betrayal
Consider a man who always pays for dinner, expecting the woman to reciprocate with physical affection. This transactional mindset is a form of self-betrayal. He enters the relationship with unspoken expectations and hidden motives, and when those expectations aren’t met, he may feel used and retreat. In reality, the woman was simply receiving without agreeing to any unspoken terms. The issue lies in the man’s inability to express his true feelings and intentions. Blaming the woman may provide a fleeting sense of power, but it ultimately reveals unresolved inner wounds.
If we don’t take the time to heal our traumas and understand ourselves, relationships will force us to confront these wounds, often in painful ways. For example, I once noticed a friend subtly putting me down to elevate herself. At first, I ignored it, but the lack of empathy and growing disrespect became undeniable. When I needed support, I was met with judgment instead. Rather than ending the friendship, I tried to make it work, driven by my compassionate nature. Eventually, her judgment turned into projection, reflecting her unresolved shadow.
Why did this happen? On some level, my own unresolved pain resonated with her energy, creating a dynamic where I allowed this treatment to continue. In doing so, I betrayed myself.
Self-Reflection and Empowerment
We cannot force others to truly see us, but we can strengthen our understanding of ourselves. When someone doesn’t meet our needs or betrays our trust, it reflects the parts of us that require deeper self-love and attention. Instead of seeing betrayal solely as an external act, we can ask, “Where am I not seeing myself clearly?”
Why do we remain confined by the labels and limitations imposed on us, when the entire universe exists within us? When others fail to honour our truth, it’s an opportunity to turn inward and uncover the lessons within the pain.
Questions for Growth
- What did this betrayal teach you about yourself?
- How were you betraying yourself by ignoring red flags or neglecting your own healing?
- How can you shift from a victim mindset to a higher state of empowerment and growth?
Betrayal, while painful, is often a catalyst for profound transformation. By examining the wounds it exposes, we can cultivate resilience, self-awareness, and the capacity to align with relationships that honour our highest selves.
To embark on your healing journey, head to the Services section of this website.
Love Christina
Leave a Reply